How would you like to own your very own zoo? It might be easier than you think!
Apparently, all you need to do is buy a little house in Costa Rica. Then, wait until it's dark out, open up all your doors and windows, and turn the lights on. The animals will come pouring into your house like the flood gates (ha no pun intended) of Noah's Ark just opened. You will have your very own zoo in no time! If you're lucky, they'll even come in twos.
It seems as though I am the newest zookeeper on the block because my home/zoo is now up and running. Yesterday, I found approximately two bats in my house. One, which I named Barry, was energetically swooping up all the bugs in my kitchen and living room. I appreciated this, and we even had dinner together (except I had fresh Marlin with mango salsa, not bugs). The problem was that Barry must have been echolocating my head and misinterpreting my screams for friendly bat chatter - he had incredible aim for an animal blinder than me, and I would have appreciated a little less divebombing while I was trying to cook dinner. At least Barry was more helpful (and better off) than his dead brother Bart who I found on the floor earlier that day. It must have been Sol (the cat) in the kitchen with the candlestick.
Quite often, I hear an armadillo outside, raking around in the gravel. Tonight, though, I saw his little snout peeking through the bars on my front door. Sol was just sitting there looking at him, not doing a thing. Thanks a lot. Maybe it wasn't Sol who killed Bart afterall.....Thankfully, the armadillo just teetered away on his own. Crisis averted.
That is, until I am calmly sitting on my bed, just doodling around writing for the internet to work, when Grasshopper makes his grand entrance through the French doors by flying straight at my head. What is it with these animals aiming at my face?! Naturally, I panic.
No, really. You don't get it. The grasshoppers here in Guanacaste are unlike any I have seen anywhere else. If you look closely (like at a dead one that won't fly at your head), they are quite beautiful. They have army-green camo bodies with red feet and sometimes some orange in there. Their under-wings are also red. Upon further inspection, you will notice that their back legs are decorated with SPIKES. Big, nasty, pronged spikes. They are so big, you can almost see their toes. And their prickly hair. Truly, they are as majestically horrifying as an insect can get. Did I mention they are about 5 inches long and as big around as your thumb, or more??
After my initial panic, he settled on the edge of my mattress as if he were sunning himself in the light of my bedside lamp. Ok, so what do I do now?? I know, I'll break out my new GoPro accessory - an extendable stick - and film this thing! Clever. I really know how to act under pressure.
I decided to leave him alone and deal with the situation later. But then...LIGHTBULB. Haha literally. I had an idea - he kept flying towards my lamp like any normal insect would do. Everyone knows that light sources are every insect's kryptonite. I would lure him out of my room by selectively turning on the lights in one room of my house at a time. So, I turned off my lamp. (How I got close enough to it, I'm not sure. Must have been a shot of adrenaline.) Then, I wait.
In the middle of cooking dinner, I had already forgotten my own evil plan. I needed something from my room, so I casually waltz in there as if there wasn't a gigantic man-eating grasshopper lounging in my bed. OH but the little monster wasn't in my bed anymore....He was lurking in my bathroom (which was the goal as it is between my room and the living room, the ultimate destination). After ceremoniously flying at my head as I enter the room, I sneak back in to find that he has knocked my soap bottle off into the sink. Atop the bottle. there he sits, with his antennae barely peeping over the rim of the sink. This is actually how I found him, His antennae failed him. A few steps closer and I find he is staring directly at me with the most diabolical look an insect has ever given me. This means war.
The next step in my evil plan is to turn the bathroom lights off and lure him into the living room, the room with the most doors. I do this while keeping an eye on him every second. Then, I wait.
I was sitting on the couch when I started writing this very blog. Keyword : WAS. Just as my mother texts me to see if I'm still alive, I feel something on my arm. In lightening speed, I have jumped so high I could touch the roof and made it to the other side of the living room. Is it the grasshopper?! No. It's a wasp. Oh man, I totally over reacted for that one. False alarm.
NO NO NOT FALSE ALARM. As soon as I sit back down, out buzzes Grasshopper. He flies into the fan and I dodge him by a centimeter before he LANDS NEXT TO ME ON THE COUCH. He was so close, I could feel the air from his wings! Good thing the false alarm kept me on my toes. I was ready.
Maybe you're asking yourself why I am getting all wound up over a silly grasshopper. Well. REMEMBER THE SPIKES? Yes, so when they land on you, they LAND ON YOU. Their feet are so big you can actually feel them latching onto you, and their bristly hairs poke your skin. Some people say you have to actually grab them and pull them off instead of using the brushing technique as used with other insects. Now are you asking me why I'm freaking out over here?! That's what I thought.
The next step in my evil plan involves a broom. I see him over there, staring at me from the couch. I have no choice but to go on the offensive if I want to sleep a victor tonight. Sol and the other cats are nowhere to be found. This is up to me. I'm goin' in, wish me luck.
P.S. Pictures coming soon! Check out my Facebook for the GoPro moment of greatness too!
